18 05 2009

I got this link from fellow WordPresser Malcolm. I can relate to a lot of what Jake says, especially about the window on hetero men closing pretty abruptly once I started being read as male pretty consistently (also after only a few months on T). Up until then, even when I had short hair and looked fairly butchy, many men did not only not care, they actually liked it.

What differentiates me from Jake is that I have been bi for a long time so I haven’t only been with men. However, I had been with many more men than women up until a couple of years ago. I think it’s almost even now but, still, my early and most pervasive flirtation patterns were based on hetero (me as female with hetero males) relationships. Like Jake in his early forays into gay and bi male culture, though, I find it intimidating to flirt with queer men. I don’t quite know the cues. Even though everyone I meet reads me as male, I worry that gay men will see right through me at worst and be freaked when I tell them I have female body parts (all of them still) at best.

Another thing I have in common with Jake is that whole: “Wow, my chest looks male even though I have breasts” thing. It was nice to read that because I wondered if there were others like me out there.

Anyway, thanks to Malcolm for the link and thanks to Jake for the page!



2 responses

20 05 2009
Shirley Anne (UK)

My guess is that there are others just like yourself. We often think that what we are is somewhat unique. Well it is, for us but we are not unique in having the difficulties you have mentioned. It is a learning curve after all and in any situation we find ourselves in we have to learn the ropes unless we are already experienced enough to deal with it.
Do you want to flirt with gay men? Do you think they’d be interested in a FtM guy? The same applies to the likes of myself. I ask myself would a straight hetero man be interested in a MtF girl? Would a lesbian be interested? No doubt some would but I think they’d be few and far between. Nevertheless you’ll never find out by guessing. Best to be open about your gender status before approaching anybody I would suggest. It saves a lot of bother afterwards when they discover your secret. Love

Shirley Anne x

20 05 2009
Jacky V.

Hi Shirley Anne;

I agree about the openness right off the bat. I certainly wouldn’t go to sleep with anyone or date without knowing how they feel about trans issues in general and without knowing if they’re open to date a trans person. Even before I realised that this was my reality, I didn’t want to date transphobic people any more than I would date a sexist, racist, classist, etc person. I’ve said no to second dates with people in the past who made phobic comments of various sorts.

But, yeah, in my own personal case, I wouldn’t want to get close to someone and then have them reject me for being trans!

Jacky XX

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