Who is Jacky?

I’m a 37 year old FTM (female-to-male transsexual) living and working in Montreal. I’m also a pansexual, white, able-bodied franglophone Canadian. I’m a mom (yes, that’s right a mom), teacher, activist and performance artist. Working class background but often considered middle class because of my profession. Even though I don’t see myself as middle class (because I don’t share the budget or value system of the middle class, in general), this perception of me undoubtedly offers me social privilege.

Interests include, but are not limited to, parenting, autism awareness, anthropology, Native peoples and cultures, sexuality, BDSM, transgenderism, fishing, spirituality, role playing (take that anyway you wish), Zelda64, music (Iron Maiden = God), tattoos, public speaking and, obviously, writing. Oh, and sci fi. I reserve the right to be interested in things I haven’t mentioned here. Have I mentioned I have a high intellectual interest in sex?

My exploration of gender and sex over the past few years has largely been enabled by other transfolk who’ve shared their experiences of transitioning and their thoughts. I wish to continue this tradition for a few reasons. First, writing helps me sort through things. Second, I can get a little lazy even though I love to write so having a potential audience will help motivate me. Finally, I want to give back what I’ve been given so if my experiences and thoughts can help anyone else figure themselves out, great! Sometimes reading stuff we agree or disagree with helps us sort through our own stuff.

I *do* have other obsessions that I like to write about. Therefore, this blog contains various reflections, rants and commentary pieces that I have written over the years on other blogs, mailing lists, Facebook and so forth. It is a place for whatever happens to cross my mind at the time. Posts can range from humourous personal insights to socio-political ranting on issues ranging from parenthood, entertainment, spirituality, sexuality and anything else I feel like writing about.  OK, OK . . .often it boils down to sex. What can I say? I have a high  . . . intellectual interest in sex.

Another reason I chose to start a blog is that I love to write but can sometimes lack the motivation to start. Having people read what I write and react helps motivate me to get my thoughts out there. Responses, both written and verbal, that I received on pieces that I wrote as Facebook notes indicated that many people seem to enjoy reading my stuff and I do enjoy it when people leave comments and start discussion. Ultimately, that is my goal: to start discussion. I don’t take what I have to say as the ultimate truth on anything. They are MY truths and, as with everyone, subject to change. So please, leave comments. Be nice but express yourself. Don’t nitpick on grammar: this is a blog and I consider blogging to be the virtual equivalent of casual speech. I don’t proofread my blog entries like I do with academic texts. I like them to be spontaneous and organic. I also like to take artistic liberties with the English language, as I consider language to be fluid. More on this in a future posting but I often feel as though the invention of writing stifled the fluid and organic nature of language in favour of static rules that are not only arbitrary but heavily biased in favour of those who had social power at the time it was invented. Therefore, the English language is permeated with sexist language and a Western-style lineality that has limited use when it comes to the sharing of real ideas . . .you know, the ones that come from embodied experience and being human and not necessarily *just* from books.

So there you go . . . Grab a cold one, have a seat and tell me what you think.

About the header The river shown in the picture is very special to me. It runs through the hunting and trapping territory of the family of a  friend of mine in northern Canada. When I was 25, I made the acquaintance of this river and felt like a whole person for the first time in my life. Before I left, I accidentally left a piece of my spirit there, in the river. When I returned at 34, I asked for it back. I immediately realised my mistake – I somehow knew that I needed to leave it there.

Looking at this river, even in a picture, still helps me feel complete.

Advertisements

26 responses

5 03 2008
Tarald Stein

You’re the first transman I find in here. Just wanted to say hi and how happy I am to not be the only one. It’s also a relief to “meet” someone who’s older than me/around my age and, as me, in the beginning of transition. Here in Norway it seems all FTMs are younger. I don’t like feeling old before hitting puberty 😉

I also deeply agree with your thoughts on sharing experiences to help others.

Love,
Tarald

5 03 2008
Jacky V.

Hi Tarald;

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you become a regular reader and commentor and I look forward to checking out your site (I’m at work now). I know what you mean about feeling old before 2nd puberty. At the same time, I think it will be neat to experience “coming of age” knowing now what I didn’t know when I went through puberty the first time around.

Jacky

18 03 2008
Maryn

Hey Jacky,

I was directed to your site by a guy I know in BC (Sam). I am moving to Montreal this summer and he thought you might be able to give me some suggestions of where to start with connecting with the trans community there.

To tell you a little about me, I’m Scottish, genderqueer ftm who has been living in BC for 5 years. I am learning, but at the moment I couldn’t have any interesting conversation in French.

I am excited I found your site as I also have come to this from a strong feminist background and have taken a similar route to transition. To overly simplify and condense – first learning to express myself in my female body in a way that was positive, then realizing despite the fact I don’t really believe in gender, I still needed to transition.

This note may have been better as an email, but I couldn’t find a direct address for you so I am submitting it as a comment. Feel free to post it or not. I’d really appreciate any information/advice you would share on Montreal… perhaps we could even go for a coffee sometime?

Thanks.

18 03 2008
Jacky V.

Hey! Thanks for checking out the site and posting. Glad to hear I’m not alone in my thoughts on gender, etc. I’ll write to you by email about the Montreal stuff.

31 03 2008
Jacky V.

Maryn;

I tried writing to you at the address that came up when I approved your post. Hope you got the email.

Jacky

19 05 2008
proudprogressive

Jack your blog is excellent, thank you for visiting and blog rolling Some Notes on Living. Our gratitude is deep. Love the template you have chosen and it appears that you are giving lots of folks a great avenue to express and explore what they need to.

Kudo’s from a fellow traveler

pp(tg) aka Nicki

19 05 2008
Jacky V.

Thanks for dropping by Nicki! To me, this blogging stuff is all about sharing and breaking isolation. Sure, there are trans groups in many areas but it’s hard to find like-minded (ie. genderqueer) trans people in many of them so it’s nice to be able to share here.

28 05 2008
Cristopher

Jacky,
thanks for this great blog. I love to read it. I am a 44 yo ftm. I have been on T for 6 weks now. What a long strange trip it’s been just ot get to this point. cheers brother.

cris

16 09 2012
Manuel

Hi christopher…It is nice to know there are ftm in Montreal..I am a gay man searching to meet some.. thanks
manuel

28 05 2008
Jacky V.

Hey Cris! Thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoy the blog. 6 weeks, eh? You must be at that point where you’re wondering when you’re going to start to see changes . . .or maybe you have already. Hope it’s all going well, physically, mentally, socially . . .

I started on Monday and I can’t wait to give myself my second shot next week! Don’t be shy to leave comments on any of the posts. I always make it a point to respond and I love discussion.

15 06 2008
punkfairy

Hey Jacky!

I found your blog when reading Taralds blog, and Ive been reading your blog for some time now. I’m 20 and also in the beginning of my transition. 🙂
Clicking on my name will probably take you to my Norwegian blog, itsnotmyfault.wordpress.com is my english blog 😛

Thanks for blogging!

/Drik

23 02 2009
Shirley Anne

Hi Jacky. Returning the complement. Thanks for including me in your blogroll. I have had a quick look around yours but I haven’t the time today to respond to any of your posts but I’ll be back!

Shirley Anne x

23 02 2009
Jacky V.

Thanks Shirley Anne!

7 03 2009
Linus

Kewl blog, Jacky. I wonder if you’re in parts of Canuckianland that I’ve lived in. I do occassionally visit back up there now and again. 🙂 Should have a beer or Timmies one day. 🙂

Also, nice to know another older transitioning guy. 🙂

7 03 2009
Jacky V.

Thanks Linus! Who’re you calling “older” hahahaha. Yeah, I guess everything is relative. Lots of trans guys start a lot younger.

I’m in Montreal. Let me know if you’re ever in these parts! What about you? NYC right? I love that city – grew up 60 miles away from there.

24 06 2009
Malkiel

Hi
just wondering a few things…
are there any support groups in Montreal for the FTM community to talk about the different issues, or like a mentorship program?
also is there a store in town that carries FTM products?
I really appreciate your Gazette article and openness – I am looking to hook up with the FTM community in Montreal – just starting out and while like you its been a great experience, just needing someone to talk to who has gone ahead…
many thanks M

24 06 2009
Jacky V.

Welcome to my blog! To answer your questions, there is no group specifically for FTMs. If you speak French, the Association des Transsexuel(le)s du Québec has weekly discussion groups (you can google them) for all transsexuals but most of the people who go are trans women. On the English side, there are groups offering services to trans folk such as Project 10 (for youth under 25) and Centre 2110 for gender advocacy but I don’t know of a mentorship program as such. I know a number of trans guys, though, and there is are a few that get together to socialise once in a while. Many of us are connected on Facebook.

For a while, Priape was carrying packers but I don’t think they do anymore. If enough people showed interest, I’m sure they’d be open to carrying more gear for us. Binders are hard to find. I get mine in Ottawa, or online through Venus Envy. I think there is a place at McGill that sells used binders.

You can always get in touch with me at nancyboymtl at hotmail dot com.

5 07 2010
beat_freak

Hey everyone! I’m kinda desperately looking for FTM’s in Norway as I’m moving there in a week. I’ve decided to look for testosterone and not to wait anymore. (I’m 21 now). So if you know where or how I could approach all the testosterone stuff in Norway, i would be soooo grateful

19 07 2010
Jacky V.

Hey there! Check out the blog on my blogroll entitled The Stranger. Tarald lives in Norway and may be able to help you. It’s in the Trans blogs section. Good luck and thanks for coming to my blog!

21 07 2010
Billie

i think that this site is amazing! I am a female, I wish to remain a female but i defiantly am glad that there are still people in the world that stand up for themselves and that WILL BE WHO THEY ARE.

7 08 2010
Jacky V.

Thanks Billie!

21 07 2010
Billie

i think that this site is amazing! I am a female, I wish to remain a female but i defiantly am glad that there are still people in the world that stand up for themselves and that WILL BE WHO THEY ARE. I am along side everyone that will be themselves! xoxo

2 01 2011
Wordpress 2010 Stats « Tboy Jacky

[…] Who is Jacky? […]

16 09 2012
Manuel

Jackie..love your blogs…here is my situation.I am a gay man living in Montreal, and I would like to get together or meet an ftm. As you probably know , it,s not that obvious..Can you help me? lol..thanks in advance
manuel

16 09 2012
maybeloveslife

HI there! Finding this years after the last reply, hope you still check it. I am a pansexual and dating a transman. I was looking for more info and support and I found your blog. Positive and informational, and intellectual. I like it, and I just wanted to let you know.

16 09 2012
Jacky V.

Thanks for the comment! I haven’t been updating this blog for quite some time…life happened, as it tends to do. But I’m glad there are still folks who are getting some use out of it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: