Reconciling motherhood and being a guy

31 03 2008

OK, so this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with the FTM guy that’s in the news. I was planning this blog entry before I had heard about all of that. Just a note, though, that I support this fella and feel for him and his wife in this time of media scrutiny and discrimination. If he or any of his friendly acquaintances are reading this, I’d like to pass along my support in this difficult time.

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Blast from the past: Suicide and Life

25 03 2008

A few weeks ago was Suicide Prevention Week. It got me thinking. A lot. I don’t actually have a problem with suicide. I think that, in some cases, it’s a legitimate decision for someone to take their life and start all over again, somehow. I have no idea what happens to us – our spirits, souls or whatever the hell it is that makes us US – when we die but I’m pretty sure we don’t just disappear. In any case, who is anyone else to assess the legitimacy of what someone wants to do with their own life anyway?

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22 03 2008


My mom called me “him” for the first time last night. A bunch of friends came over and one of them complimented my mom on giving them Jacky. I commented that she actually gave them “given female name” and that the Jacky part was a bit against her will (more on my coming out to my mom in a future post – it’s all good, don’t worry). Then my mom put her arms around my neck (I was sitting on a chair with my back to her), kissed my cheek and said: “I love HER, I love HIM, I love Her, I love HIM . . .it doesn’t matter, I just love.”


I love my mom.

Gender Changers

22 03 2008

HA! Gender Outlaw just made my day.

March 11 – 1,058 views!

11 03 2008

Holy moly! I’m amazed by this number and pleased that there are people who find this blog worth reading. I hope that trans and non-trans people alike are finding my writings useful and/or interesting. The blog stats tell me what people type into their search engines before stumbling onto this blog and I see that this blog is often coming up in searches such as decision to transition, FTM and so forth so I hope that some of the posts are helpful to those who are still on their quest. Don’t forget that these are MY views and that there is a large amount of diversity in the trans experience, not just between FTM and MTF but even among FTMs. We all transition (or not) for different reasons and it’s all good. It’s important to respect each other and avoid language wars about what is a REAL FTM, what is THE way to be an FTM, etc.

Anyway, thanks for reading and please don’t be shy to leave comments – I enjoy the dialogue and appreciate it when people are willing to share their own thoughts.

Why I’ve been calling myself gay

9 03 2008

UPDATE: I added a disclaimer at the bottom of this post. 

I’m actually bisexual, or pansexual, in the sense that I don’t care what’s between a person’s legs. I don’t care about a person’s biological sex. If I’m into someone, I’m into THEM regardless of their physique. I’m also bi in the sense that I DO like all kinds of private parts: cocks, cunts, a mix . . .whatever.

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Blast from the past: Of sex and scamming

7 03 2008

I got fucked! I got screwed! I got fucked in the ass!

No, I’m not describing my first gang bang (although . . . ummmm . . . never mind). These are all phrases people would use not to describe their latest experiences as a sexual penetratee, but situations in which they were ripped off or deceived.

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Gender, sex, perceptions and boxes

6 03 2008

Preface: this intro paragraph doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with transition but you have to read on to see the connection. 


So this past Monday, I gave a public presentation on the evolution of sex roles and gender. I was trying to deconstruct common misconceptions that people have about how prehistoric men and women behaved and how these behaviours would have supposedly led to “modern” sex roles. The basic message is that 20th century scientists tried to find prehistoric evidence that would justify male dominance by showing that it had been in existence since prehistoric times but that their interpretation of the “evidence” was coloured by their own bias to start with and, therefore, hogwash. My talk was located within a framework of feminist and postmodern anthropology.

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I’m ready

5 03 2008

As of now, the first week of March 2008, I know that I’m ready to begin. Even weeks ago, I had trouble visualising the day when I would go get my first testosterone injection. But now I am permeated with a calm sense of knowing that this is right for me. I can picture waiting in a lobby of a clinic with (hopefully) one or two members of my chosen family. I anticipate how I am going to feel after. I look forward to having a party with all my friends to celebrate this rite of passage.

I’m ready.

San Francisco

3 03 2008

The day I made my decision, this song was playing in my head. The day I came out to my Mom, it played as we walked into the grocery store, just as she was asking me if I was relieved about having told her. These days, when I get stressed, nervous and scared about what the future holds for me as a trans person, it helps to calm me.

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