And how!

31 05 2008

I accidentally stumbled upon this post about the whole biology versus choice argument for sexual orientation and gender identity. I love it! Here is a copy of my response:

Read the rest of this entry »

Less than 12 hours to go . . .

25 05 2008

. . . before my first testosterone injection. I feel a weird mix of calm and nervousness right now. I had a fantastic weekend out of town with one of the bestest people ever and met an inspirational performer who, like Lazlo Pearlman before him, rocked my little transboy world (more on that in a future post).

It would occur to me every now and then over the course of the weekend that this was the last one before this major change that I’m about to start tomorrow. It’s fitting that it should be an out-of-the-ordinary weekend, out of the country no less.

I wonder how I will feel tomorrow at this time. I guess I won’t know until then.

So, anyway . . . I guess this is kind of a boring “Last post before T” post, considering the irrevocable changes that are about to happen. I’m about to make a majorly massive life change here!!!  I don’t feel bored . . .just a little numb with so little to say and so much at the same time.

<Deep breathe>

Showdown: Jacky vs. The Little Bottle of T

22 05 2008


So I did it. I got my script for T! I now have an appointment on Monday at 10:30 AM for my first injection!!!!!

Upcoming: a post describing my HILARIOUS day waiting to see the endo. In the meantime, I’m staring that little bottle of T straight in the eye . . .

I was never a tomboy

15 05 2008

When I read trans-related stuff, I often read things like: “Of course, I was more interested in (insert opposite-sex related activities here) than in (insert socially approved gendered activities here).” So, for example, many FTMs will comment about how they preferred climbing trees than playing house and many MTFs will comment about how they preferred wearing dresses rather than pants.

That’s fine. I can remember playing with Matchbox cars (I had a little carrying case for them!!) and toy trucks instead of dolls.

What bothers me is the “Of course . . . ” part of those statements, as if it went without saying that a gender variant person would have adopted all the attributes of the “opposite sex” in childhood. Yes, I played with cars and trucks and I didn’t like dolls. But I DID have stuffed animals, some of them with pink bows.


Read the rest of this entry »

Well, actually . . . I’m starting to like Jack

15 05 2008

Back a couple of months ago, I wrote a rant about how people were calling me Jack instead of Jacky. Lately, though . . .ummm . . .I’ve started to kinda like it. I’ve been using it more and more and when I meet new people, I find it helps clear up the ambiguity. “Jacky”, combined with my high voice and androgynous appearance, marks me as either androgynous or female. “Jack”, in spite of the voice and the androgyny, marks me as male. And I like that.

Reconciling motherhood and being a guy II

12 05 2008

As indicated in a previous post, I have had no trouble coming to terms with being both a mom and a guy. Although some mental gymnastics are required, it has been relatively easy for me to acknowledge motherhood in myself in both the biological (ie: having given birth and having nursed) and the social (ie: ongoing nurturance, which by no means is limited to MOTHERhood of course) sense. My son does not seem to think that Mommy being a boy is a problem either as he inhabits a world where ANYthing is possible.

Read the rest of this entry »

Countdown to injections

7 05 2008

So the countdown is on . . . in exactly two weeks I see the endocrinologist for the second time. The first time was April 23 and he sent me for a bunch of blood tests. Nice guy, was happy with the letter my psychologist had written. He said that if all the tests were reasonable, there was no reason he wouldn’t give me a prescription for testosterone.

SO. Here I sit, waiting to see what will happen, with butterflies in my stomach, not really believing that VERY VERY soon, I might be on testo. I try to keep calm, in case things don’t work out for health reasons. I don’t want to be too disappointed. On the other hand, I want to organise a BIG BIG party!

We’ll see . . .



Scary stuff

6 05 2008

Please spread the word.


I’m OK

4 05 2008

A thought came to me today. Well, it’s more like a thought that was already there came to the surface.

Lately, I’ve been feeling SO GOOD about the way my life is going. For the first time in my life, everything seems to be on the same track. Most of my life, I’ve felt so  . . .fragmented. I felt as though I were simultaneously existing on different planes and I would jump from one to the other, trying to manage all my lives. Sometimes, when I remember something that happened during adolescence, I can’t figure out how old I was until I try to make connections between the different planes. For example, I can never remember how old I was when my dad was in the hospital one particular time until I remember that I took the bus to the hospital from college between two classes and made it back just in time. That tells me I was 18 or 19.

Read the rest of this entry »