I’m not dead …

23 02 2010

…just REALLY REALLY busy. There was that whole business with the show and now I have s bunch of conference presentations and workshops to prepare, and ethics review to get done before I can do fieldwork, and 4 events that I’m involved in planning. Then there are personal projects like a comic book zine and some videos and a web site to market my presentations.

So . .. yeah . .. not much time for blogging.

A couple of updates: my testosterone increased to 0.30 ml per week a little while ago. I hadn’t had an increase since I started in May 2008. My endo decided to up my dosage since I’m on Proscar to decrease hair loss. My bloodwork is all good, he says.

Speaking of testo . . . from May 2008 to December 2009, I never missed a Monday injection. In December, I finally missed a Monday. So I shot up on Tuesdays for about 3 weeks. Then I missed  Tuesday and did Wednesdays for 2, then . . .yada yada. This last injection was on Saturday after 2 Fridays. When I finally get back to Mondays, I wonder how long I’ll be able to stay there?!?!

In other news, ALL my cards now have Jacky on them. All I’m missing is a passport but I can’t afford it right now. And my name needs to be changed with the federal and provicial revenue offices. Then that’s it!

I have a date for a hysterectomy on March 25. After that, I will have the option of getting the M. I had decided against it for personal reasons but now I’m reconsidering. I’m really annoyed by having to explain myself everytime I need to show my driver’s license or health card anywhere.

There are tons of other ways I can blatantly genderfuck.

So we’ll see.

In local news, most trans surgeries are now covered in Québec. If I wanted to, in the next year or so, I could get top surgery and bottom surgery (either a meta or a phallo). But I won’t. I’m not interested in bottom surgery at all. Nada. As for top surgery, I’m not there yet.

And if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t go to the one surgeon that performs trans surgeries in Quebec. I went to see him for a consultation last year and found him to be an elitist, arrogant prick. He treated me with contempt when he thought I was “just another working class joe” because of the way I dress and he became super “fake nice” – you know, the kind of nice like in the toothpaste commercials with the glinting teeth – when he found out I was an academic. All of a sudden, I was worth treating like a human being. But before that even happened, he wanted to look at my chest to give me an idea of the type of top surgery he could give me, depending on the size of my breasts. When I took my shirt and binder off, he got a look of disgust on his face. He said: “You’re way too fat, it’s ridiculous.” And he went on to say that he wouldn’t even consider me for surgery since he’d have to leave some fat under the breasts to match my torso. As though I were there for a “perfect” body.

As far as I’m concerned, he’d a write off. A lot of people like him but I know (and some other people that I know, also know) that he’s a class A prick. An elitist. So I will pay to go to Toronto or New York when I’m ready for top surgery before I put myself at his hands, even if Quebec would cover it. In any case, I’ve seen pictures of his top surgeries (and others) and am TOTALLY not impressed.



9 responses

24 02 2010
Shirley Anne

How do you find time to live Jacky? I think maybe you’re pushing yourself too hard, too many projects all deserving your attention might be better if they were few and getting more of you attention. Think how much better they’d be. Just a bit of unsolicited advice. You know best though…..
I’m wondering why it was all that important to inject on Mondays? A day missed is neither here nor there. Perhaps you don’t like Tuesdays (remember the song ‘I don’t like Mondays’?). Good news regarding your cards. I am sure the passport will follow soon. Best wishes for the 25th. I think you would be better with the M, why give yourself all the unecessary hassle?
Sounds like you won’t be selecting that toffee-nosed prat for your ops. He may be good enough for some but hey, Jacky deserves better, yes? Anyways nice to hear from you. Take care………..love

Shirley Anne xxx

24 02 2010
Jacky V.

Actually, I rarely do any work in the evenings. I spend time with my son, then read fiction when he’s in bed. So I don’t think I’m pushing myself too hard at all. And being involved in multiple things helps keep me balanced. I like the variety.

As for the toffee-nosed prat : – D . . . I think a lot of trans woman like him but I hear he’s reknown for being less . . um . . gracious with trans men.

3 03 2010
Loony Brain

Comic zine project? Ooh, do we get to know more? You do know we’re massive comic geeks, right?

–Rogan and Sneak (who is going by ‘zie’ now! :D)

3 03 2010
Loony Brain

Also: asshole surgeon is an asshole. Kudos to you for saying fuck it to him. He sounds like a complete prat.

Then again, I got the distinct impression I wasn’t welcome at a trans chat; Multi 101 got me told that this wasn’t a “mental health site.” (I was trying to explain why I couldn’t give a quick and easy answer for being transsexual, crossdresser, andro, or partner, since we cover three of the four.) After being asked to change my name to be more obviously gendered, I left.

(The best part? It was a support/suicide prevention chat that said ‘all welcome.’ I need to remember that many people’s “all welcome” REALLY means, “not you.”)


4 03 2010

hey Jack-
try brownstein in sanfrancisco….no a great bed-side manner if you want warm and fuzzy, but really good sense of humor and very into what he does…once youu get him to not take himself so seriously he is great and a master plastic surgeon. would not trust my op surgery to anyone else. I am “fat” as well and it was not an issue. my chest is perfect!!

nice to see your blog again.


14 03 2010


The diversity and ethusiasm of your interests, from the cultural to the sexual, is consistently inspirational. I hope all goes well with your surgery; and everything else.

Happy Mothers’ Day


18 03 2010

hey Jacky,
just came across your blog after not seeing it for a few years. that’s awful re: Dr. Brassard, though quite similar to stuff I’ve heard from others, especially other guys. So frustrating that what is being seen as a major victory (access to gov’t paid surgery in a private clinic) is still so so far from true access to these kinds of surgeries. At some point, sooner than later in my opinion, it’d be worth documenting all these negative experiences to push the government to open up options to see other surgeons. What do you think?
Anyway, thanks for posting this!
take care,
Nora B (from astteq)

20 03 2010
Jacky V.

Wow, look at all these neat comments!

@Rogan & Sneak: I’m still working out some stuff but basically, I’m working on an anti-oppression comic book/zine. There will be “superheroes” but they will all be members of marginalised groups (queer, trans, racialised, “dis/abilities”, etc etc etc). I will definitely have a multi character : ) And their deeds will not be ordinary comic book things but realistic good deeds and anti-oppression work : )

That sucks about the non-welcoming welcome. And that people are so intolerant of forms of diversity that they don’t “get”. It makes me really sad. I remember being thrilled when I met you on LJ because you were so nice and interesting and so open to sharing knowledge and your experience. I still would love to meet you and your family (do you use that term? If not, sorry!) in person some day. You still in New Zealand?

@ Cristopher: Thanks for the ref! I have indeed heard good things about Brownstein. I don’t think I’d be inclined to go all the way across the continent but . . . you never know! I may have the opportunity.

@Jim: So nice to hear from you again! Glad you enjoy reading my blog. I hope all is well with you. I rarely turn on chat on yahoo or msn anymore but who knows, maybe we’ll run into each other on chat one of these days.

@Nora: I’ve written to you by email to respond but, yes, I’m more than willing to share my experience if there is documentation of trans men’s experiences with Brassard.

25 03 2010
Loony Brain

Sneak: That comic/zine sounds so cool! I’d love to hear more as you work it out. @_@ Any chance you’d take guest contributions, because that’d be awesome! 😀

We made a new comic too. It’s on the website that our name on the comment links to.

Rogan: Yeah, though on the plus side, I got a really good response when I sent my nastygram. I didn’t actually expect an apology. Still don’t think I’d ever return, but…

We’re not in NZ anymore; we’re back in the States, in grad school becoming a youth librarian. Me and Mac got hitched in November, and we’re hoping to move further north when we graduate. And ‘family’ is a fine word.

You never know, we travel a lot. Maybe one day we’ll make it up to your neck of the woods!

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