So, today, October 26, I’ve been on testosterone for exactly 5 months. Unbelievable. It seems like only yesterday that I was on the internet looking for a psychologist, thinking that it would be at least another year before I started hormone treatment. That was in December 2007. So here is a list of observed changes, physical and other:
- Body hair: My legs have continued to develop denser hair and hair has continued to grow in where there was none before (for example, calves and kneecaps). I have a happy trail and quite a bit of dark hair above my belly button. I have short and sparse but dark chest hair, and a bit more on my back. It’s starting to come in a bit more on my upper arms. My lower arms were already hairy but the hairiness has spread around the forearms and up onto my hands a bit. It has also darked. The hair in the nether regions has also thickened.
- Facial hair: I had quite a bit of chin hair before starting testosterone but it’s thicker now as well. What used to be peach fuzz in the side burn area is now darkening and thickening. When I shave, it takes about 2 weeks for it to grow back to something noticeable though. I only shave when I know that I have no special events coming up when I want to be as “guy-ish” as I can.
- Hairline: It has receded slightly near the temples but to what appears to be a “normal” male hairline and no more. No baldspot in the back. I’m monitoring the situation very closely as baldness is my bottom line. I would either try a product to prevent hairloss or get off T.
- Clitoral growth: This seems to have stablised in the last few weeks but the growth has been pretty remarkable and I’ve had to relearn how to masturbate.
- Arousal and orgasm: I wouldn’t say that I’m hornier than I was, if horniness means the urge to have sex, because that was already a constant state of mind for me. Actually, I’m less prone to play the field these days and prefer to have ongoing partnerships that I can explore in more depth at both the sexual and emotional levels. However, if horniness refers to the urge to *get off* with or without someone else’s help, then I can say that the need arises more frequently and urgently than it did before. The major difference is that my arousal and my orgasms are almost exclusively clitoral as opposed to the total body experiences that they used to be. So if the physical arousal comes sooner and out of nowhere now, I also get back to “reality” quicker after orgasm than I did before. In a way, it feels much more mechanical and as a bit of a loss, in a way.
- Mood: I’m no more aggressive than I ever was. Probably more assertive but I attribute that to a greater sense of self and higher self-confidence rather than to some increased “maleness.” I’m still brought to tears fairly easily by touching stories or tragedy and I’m still very much in touch with my feelings. It seems that I’m better able to put them aside when I have to, though, but I’m not convinced that it’s a hormonal thing. As I become more whole, I think it has an impact on how I deal with life in general and that is one of the effects: better management of my emotions.
- Muscle: I’ve been a bad boy and haven’t been working out but there has still been some slight muscle gain in my arms.
- Fat: Goodbye hips, hello beer belly : ( Need to work on that!
- Acne: I have had very little on my face but a bit more on my chest and back. It’s tolerable though.
- Voice: Still up and down. But there are days when my voice is quite deep. Companies that call say “Sir” nearly all the time and when I get calls from people I haven’t spoken to in a while, they don’t recognise me. Some days, I still sound like Scooby Doo, though. And I can still make myself sound like a woman, but an older woman.
- Menstruation: They haven’t come back at all after that first post-T period. Sometimes I feel like I have some PMS symptoms still, though. But that is less and less frequent.
- Self-image: This has increased exponentially. I feel better about myself than I ever had in terms of appearance, capabilities, everything. I feel like a real person. An interesting thing is that I spend most of my days feeling ungendered. My mannerisms, my posture and my speech aren’t affected like they used to be when I was trying to express “femininity”, or what I saw as femininity at the time.
Overall, I can say that the changes are very positive. I have nothing to complain about at all. I do miss my sweet girlie singing voice sometimes but I take time to mourn it when it happens and try to feel happy that I’m one of the few guys who got to experience having one, along with childbearing and nursing.