As indicated in a previous post, I have had no trouble coming to terms with being both a mom and a guy. Although some mental gymnastics are required, it has been relatively easy for me to acknowledge motherhood in myself in both the biological (ie: having given birth and having nursed) and the social (ie: ongoing nurturance, which by no means is limited to MOTHERhood of course) sense. My son does not seem to think that Mommy being a boy is a problem either as he inhabits a world where ANYthing is possible.
However, it seems that people around us need a bit of time to digest this information. And some of these people are within the trans community. Reactions to my ongoing status as mother have been varied but interesting:
I’ve had people comment that I would no longer be a mother but a parent, to which I’ve strongly objected. NO ONE can take away my motherhood. NO ONE.
Others have asked if my “maternal” obligations were going to shift to “paternal” obligations. No. I did not father my child.
Others have felt sorry for me because my child will continue to call me Mommy or Mom. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I feel no shame in being my son’s mother. It’s an honour and a privilege.
Finally, the guy who was giving out Mother’s Day flowers at the restaurant where my son took me yesterday didn’t even stop at our table. And to this, my reactions were mixed:
On one hand: “Cool! I’m being read as a guy!”
On the other hand: “But I’m still a mother, damn it!”
In the end: “I have a big problem with killing flowers just for a stupid commercial holiday anyway and, although this one person omitted to recognise me as a mother, what counts is that MY SON knows who I am, knows who he is to me and knows that my MOTHERLY love for him will NEVER change, no matter who I am, physically and socially. Never. So fuck your flowers. We don’t need them, just like we don’t need your pity or your approval.”