A dual existence

18 01 2008

It’s getting more and more difficult to live a dual existence: that of being Jacky with all my friends, on and offline, and that of being “my given female name” in work contexts. Getting used to my chosen name happened sooner than I think and now, when having to sign my legal name on a work-related email, I feel like I’m lying, being an imposter.

I have to decide soon: am I going to just develop coping mechanisms for dealing with being addressed as “female name” for another year, 2 years? Or will I just face the music and come out everywhere? That, my friend, is my dilemma . . . and I have to decide real, real soon.




2 responses

18 01 2008

It’s funny, how similar the experiences you describe are to mine, despite us coming from different areas of the spectrum. God knows how often our therapist and our roommate has had to deal with me going on foam-flecked rants of, “I want to be able to fucking go by my REAL NAME, and my fucking REAL GENDER, and be able to introduce my motherfucking boyfriend and children like a motherfucking NORMAL PERSON!”

Unfortunately, in our case right now, there’s not really much of a decision in the matter. One of the places we hope to get a job is the government. So no, being completely closet-free is out of the question.


18 01 2008
Jacky V.

I hear you. Hopefully someday multiples will be able to be out like trans people are becoming more able to do now. If we ever meet in person, I hope you’ll feel comfortable enough with me to just be who you are – in all ways possible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: