*Caution: Do not read if you’re squeamish about discussions of the physical aspects of arousal.*
Many people in the FTM circuits seem support the claim that testosterone increases one’s sex drive. As I’ve half-jokingly been saying to friends, that could be quite scary in my case, with a sex drive that is already over the top. I mean, it’s difficult (almost said hard – D’OH!) to concentrate on anything sometimes. The only times I don’t think about sex and don’t feel horny are when I’m teaching or when I’m hyper-focussing on a task like creating an assignment or filling out a PhD application. The rest of the time . . .forget it. I have to stop what I’m doing every few minutes to reacquaint myself with the seam of my jeans. Fortunately, the years have taught me to do that discreetly.
A-hem. Anyway. It doesn’t seem possible that my libido could be any higher. What I do believe though is that it will be qualitatively different. I haven’t even begun T yet and already, my sexual desires are starting to change. I used to occasionally be male in my fantasies but now I’m male 95% of the time. I still fantasise about both men and women but my fantasies involving men are about gay sex.
Physically, I already feel a difference in my arousal. Previously, arousal would be a total body thing. I would feel my nipples getting hard and a tug in my breasts, then I would feel myself getting wet. I would also feel my face get flushed and my skin would be all tingly everywhere.
Now . . . well, I’m sure all that stuff still happens but I don’t notice it anymore. All I notice when I’m aroused is this raging hard-on. Seriously. All my sexual energy now seems focussed in my clit and the accompanying “phantom cock”. I feel it get hard and then it feels like I will explode if I don’t get relief. And the whole clit feels hard now, not just the outside bit but that whole 6-7 centimeters that is on the inside. It’s *almost* painful. And now I understand what they jokingly say about men: that they can only use one of their heads at once. I feel like a babbling idiot when I have a hard on.
It will be interesting (to me, anyway) to monitor further developments in this area (no pun intended) when I begin testo. For now, I find it interesting that, in spite of the babblig idiot phenomenon, I can make these types of clinical observations of myself.