So I just booked my first appointment with a psychotherapist! I’m VERY excited about it! This represents a much more concrete step toward transition than any I’ve experienced before. Previous steps have been gradual, like a gradual shift to publicly identifying as male in various social circles, slowly getting used to signing emails as Jacky, etc. Before that even, things like exclusively wearing men’s clothes and packing soft 24/7 didn’t feel like they were related to transition because, at that time, it just felt right and I was undecided and uninformed about the possible reality of being transsexual. So . . .yeah . . . the past week has been spent looking around for a psychologist/therapist, getting recommendations, etc and now that an appointment is booked I feel this sense of anticipation. Part of me is resentful of this Western model of classifying gender variance as a disorder. But that’s the system I live in and this process is what will allow me to achieve my goals of hormone replacement therapy and an eventual legal name change. I still think it sucks that one cannot change the sex on their birth certificate without having sex reassignment surgery. Why do I need to modify my genitals to have the right to have official documents that reflect what I look like in general? Am I going to spend my life getting searched at customs every time I want to cross a border because my passport says F but I have a male appearance?
Anyway . . . the last bit of ranting notwithstanding, I’m very excited and optimistic.