Living Semi-Stealth. Sort of.

16 03 2011

OK, so the whole posting every week thing lasted a grand 2 months. Not out of lack of things to say, just out of a lack of energy. As some of you know, I’m in the midst of doctoral research in a small community in Northern Quebec. Lately, I’ve been more and more involved in the community and have very little time to myself. And the little time I do have I (mostly unsuccessfully) try to keep as Jacky self-care time.

But I thought I would drop a line about how interesting it has been living “semi-stealth.” Back home, everyone who knows me knows that I’m trans. For the most part, it’s because they knew me before. But even knew people that I meet find out soon enough because I frequently like to joke around about “that time when I was in the girl scouts” or “when I was in labour” and so forth. Also, most new people I meet are some flavour of queer, or close enough, so that transngess and GQness is something that is pretty usual to talk about.

Living in a small community where there are few queers and where those who are queer tend to stay fairly quiet about it, it’s not something that has come up very often. People that knew me from prior visits know but, since they didn’t see me through the transition, memories of Nancy are far back enough to be somewhat irrelevant to them. An exception is a former lover who doesn’t really want to communicate too much out of discomfort because “OH MY GOD he had sex with a woman who then became a man, does that make him GAY?!?!” But I knew that this was going to happen before I transitioned, and I decided to transition anyway. I loved him, and still do, but chose self love over his love. So his reaction doesn’t really phase me. Other than that, my son, as always, calls me Mommy, which leads to some confusion, but most people have simply taken it in stride. The few people I’ve come out to, because it just came up, have taken it in stride as well. So…no big deal really.

Now, I don’t really care if people know. But since I don’t bring it up unless it comes up (like if someone actually asks me why my son calls me “Mommy” or the time someone actually mentioned a film by one of my trans idols, Lazlo Pearlman), I don’t wind up bringing it up very often. So most people in town believe that that A) I’m a guy, through and through – as opposed to a blend, which is how I actually feel and identify with people that matter – and that B) I’ve always been one. It’s a strange feeling for me, because I’m not into being stealth at all and I’m not used to people just assuming that I was once a little boy.

I am quite surprised that gossip hasn’t gotten around more…or maybe it has. Two of my students were conversing in their own language one time and I heard the term “sex change” pass between them but they didn’t look at me. So it might be that there have been rumours, but since people (students, their parents, colleagues) like me well enough, it didn’t wind up mattering.

Who knows. I still have a few months left here so all kinds of things could happen in the meantime. We’ll see.


 



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5 responses

18 03 2011
Damien

This is such an interesting topic for me. I’m starting T in about a month and I’m intrigued about how “stealth” I will appear as time goes by. It’s not my goal to be stealth all the time as I strongly identify as trans and plan to continue to do so in the future. But I’m curious as to how this transformation will unfold in predominantly straight environments, for example, where I will not always want to be “out”.

19 03 2011
Jacky V.

Yeah, it’s an interesting feeling for sure. One thing that is cool is fainlly being taken at face value in a mostly straight environment with people who don’t know about your past. Straight people who knew us before often always stay with that impression that we’re not really the gender we identify as, so it can be annoying. No pronoun hassles!

25 03 2011
tboisuites

Hey I want to tell you that your blog is inspirational. After finding all this info on here I started my own blog to follow my transition as an African American of color I hope you subscribe and read because you can never be done learning!

25 03 2011
Jacky V.

Hey there : ) I’m so glad that you found the blog useful and that you were inspired to write your own! Wow, I’m really touched. I have just subscribed to your blog and look forward to learning more. I think it’s very important for me and everyone to listen to other people’s stories and I’m looking forward to hearing yours. Next time I do some housekeeping on here, I will add your blog to my blogroll for sure! Cheers and thanks for writing!

11 05 2011
kay

“OH MY GOD he had sex with a woman who then became a man, does that make him GAY?!?!”:”

lol AS A MtF I had the oppisite OH MY GOD he had sex with a man who then became a woman, does that make him GAY?!?!” , But the worst is 8 yeatrs later she is living with another woman, but wants nothing to do with me because I’m not a natal female can’t win

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