How to date a transman

Hope this doesn’t come across as self-promotion. I had heard of this page before but hadn’t looked at it because of the assumption that it was just more trannie-fetishising (as in, how to get the transboy of your dreams and keep him in a cage so you can show your friends how cool you are for dating a transboy). But I finally checked it out and it’s a very thorough list of things to consider for anyone to who is sexually or emotionally involved with an FTM. Worth checking out even if you’re not in that situation as some of the stuff applies even in non-sexual or non-emotional contexts.

Coming out at work – It’s a boy!

Over the course of the past two days, I have come out to everyone at my workplace that I know personally. My workplace is very big so there are many people that I don’t know. A rough estimate tells me that I came out to about 120-130 people. So far the reactions have all been very positive.

Here is the letter that I sent by email (subject line – “It’s a boy!”)

Having a female past

I know that some transsexual people feel very alienated from the body in which they were born and, once they have physically transitioned, wish to be as distant from their past as a member of the undesired sex as possible. While I understand why this may be the case for some people, it isn’t mine. Unfortunately, I’ve had a few people assume that I think being male is somehow better than being female or that I’m ashamed of or disgusted by being female-bodied.

A dual existence

It’s getting more and more difficult to live a dual existence: that of being Jacky with all my friends, on and offline, and that of being “my given female name” in work contexts. Getting used to my chosen name happened sooner than I think and now, when having to sign my legal name on a work-related email, I feel like I’m lying, being an imposter.

I have to decide soon: am I going to just develop coping mechanisms for dealing with being addressed as “female name” for another year, 2 years? Or will I just face the music and come out everywhere? That, my friend, is my dilemma . . . and I have to decide real, real soon.

Coming out to the family – or at least a small chunk of it – and the socio-politics of being out

Over the holidays, I made a big move: I came out to my brother and one of my sisters. I was planning to come out to the younger of my two sisters, J. She’s 5 years older than me and she’s always been the one I got along best with. As a teen, she was a cool rocker chick with some rough edges, which she recently confessed to me were a façade, and I wanted to be like her. We’ve always been able to talk about all kinds of things from our common love of Iron Maiden and the Scorpions to love and sex.

A qualitatively different sex-drive

*Caution: Do not read if you’re squeamish about discussions of the physical aspects of arousal.* 

Body and gender

This was originally a response to someone on LiveJournal who was pondering the difference between a trans person’s mental image of themselves and the physical image that is perceived by the world. It’s something I’ve used to explain how I feel, physically, to a few people so I thought I’d throw it up here as well.